Let all repeat the Chant of Beard

To beard, or not to beard: that is the quest(ion):
Whether ‘tis nobler in the face to suffer
To deny foam and aftershaves at outrageous prices,
Or to take arms against a sea of follicles,
And by shaving end them? To exfoliate: to shave;
No more; and by growing to say we end
The razor burn and the thousand ingrown hairs
That shaving is heir to, ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To grow: to comb;
To comb: perchance to style: ay, there’s the rub:
For in that combing what food particles may drop
When we have thrown away our automatic shavers,
Must give us pause: there’s the action
That makes the beard so long and full
For who would bear the looks and stares,
Of the beard coveters, the follicly-challenged,
The pangs of dribbled soup, the cracker crumbs,
The disapproval of management and the spurns
That sprouting hairs may visit
When he himself might not be able to beard
Even with Rogaine? who would fardels bear,
To trim and style under a bathroom mirror,
But that the dread of slow growth may make,
The undiscover’d genes from whose gaze
No bearder escapes, puzzles the will
And makes us forsake our beardless fathers
And try Beard Club for Men that we know not of?
Thus cowardice does make beardless of us all;
And thus the natural length given of evolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of propriety,
And beards of great length and fullness
With this regard may turn scraggly,
And lose the name of action. – But grow you now!
Faithful bearder! Hero, go forth in thy follicle sprouting attempt
And your epic beardness shall forever be remember’d.

                                                                                          - Courtesy of JMKnave

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